Keeping my marriage or letting GO!

 Married for 22 years good at first, struggles solved , Lies began Adultery began I forgave, Drugs abuse, Suicide attempts, Counseling, Fights, Physical Abuse, now Detox for the second time, Unemployed, I'm tired i just want to be happy I am the only person in this house that attends church and they know i am a prayerful mother and wife because I truly believe that's what has me still here.  I Lost my mother due to Doctor error and I miss her, But I have the best sisters ever,  This is my battle i CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE. But i battle with my marriage forever and doing whats right and stay,. Or i Let go and find my happiness because this is tearing up inside the name callings etc is too much.. Please i have friends that say Let go and do you. But to me that's so selfishness.. Is it ?  Curious to hear what you would say,

Thank you,

God bless you guys :)

Marisol

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Permalink Reply by Mark Dandrea on March 31, 2012 at 10:03am

Nearly every marriage has some redeeming qualities.  Is happiness worth severing the past couple of decades?  What if God desires a holiness response in you over happiness?  

There are common misconceptions.  There is the myth of the perfect partner.  So, a common complaint by women is that they have tried everything, when typically the truth is that they have "said" everything, but men are action-driven.  Maybe an ultimatum is what is needed.

We all go through changes and at times find those devastating experiences from the past creeping back into our lives, either by flashbacks or indirectly manifesting themselves as bad thoughts and habits.  These troubled memories trigger a more adrenal response of fight or flight, even though the fearsome tigers that haunt us, when confronted, may only be little kittens. 

It is not surprising how problems escalate.  I am sure that you feel understandably devalued by the insulting name calling; however, for ANY relationship to survive, we ourselves must have understanding, compassion, validation, and empathy.  And, these things do not come naturally, they are learned.  The little tikes who bop their pre-school buddies into tears with a toy upon the head must be taken aside to point out their action.  What I have realized is that men and women are looking for value, but we determine that in polar opposite ways and then unintentionally send out the message that "you have no value". 

If we fail to work through the process of marriage, we take our own unresolved problems that God may be trying to drive out of our lives and bring them into the next relationship, and into the next. 

Actually, comparing divorces to marriages, it is believed that both of them actually have the same number of conflicts.  Judge yourself.  Are you willing to begin a new relationship?

Instead of the devastation and pain from a past relationship keeping us from jumping into another, our tendency is to find consolation in what we perceive as a new and improved version.  However, after a break-up, we are at our worst discretion and judgment and most likely require some counseling and talk-therapy.  Are you willing to wait about 4 to 5 years, what professionals recommend, before dating again?  The formula is for every 4 years in a relationship, we should take a year off before dating because our outlook and our self-worth is tainted.  We risk falling into that same old trap, but with even greater pressures for striving toward a successful relationship. 

Hopefully you have not already made up your mind.  When the union of marriage breaks, more people are hurt than we generally realize.  Keep trying, is my advice, and then try some more.  If you ask someone who’s been married 40 or more years if they have ever had rocky times, almost always they will reflect back to a time when they thought it was all over, but how happy they are that they managed to work things out.  I suggest also to get books by Stormie Omartian, John and Stasi Eldredge, Ed Wheat, Fred Lowery, Philip Yancey, and many others.

Permalink Reply by Theresa Chunko on March 31, 2012 at 10:23pm
Hi my Sister in Christ oh how weary you must be but know God does not want us unevenly yoked because two masters are served and one master will be loved and the other Mastor hated God Loves you more then you could even imagine some times we have to let go and let God we do not fight against flesh and blood but the evil one  God wants you to stay strong and let nothing hinder your walk with him sometimes in our life we have to pick who we are going to serve Drugs Adultey all except spirits in them from the other person kinda look at it is a portal for the Enemie to come in you can only forgive and let go and let God but let nothing or no one lead you away from God it can happen fast  you can choose to continue you to allow your self to be in the devils playground or SEPERATE your self and do some Fasting and praying one to build up your spirit strengths and next let God be able with no interruptions from you even though you mean well remember the spirits of addiction anger Adultey are only removed from By God these are bondeds that God Has to brake I would my Opioin remove your self from the situation go where you can fast and pray so you can build up spiritually and Let God lead you if you here nothing Be still and wait on God you have a strong demonic spirit living in your house  that were invited by the acts of Drugs Suicide Attemps and Adultey these are strong demonic forces that only God can silver heal restore or remove the people or person who refuse Christ in there heart  God bless you remember you battles will and are because of your prayer life keep praying God has all Authority and power so no weapon formed against you will prosper forgive any resentments si hate or any bad feels toward any one before you pray because if you don't the enemy will have a opening to start screwing with you  read your word pray and God will remove all that holds on to the evil and refuses Christ Pray and Let God not you But God fight this Battle we cannot fight it Only God can because our sinful nature wlill interfear the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak we can not fight our own battles trust me you will get frustrated angery maybe resentful the the hurt amd trying to fix it your self and fail will leave you angery with God because you try to do only what God Can do trust me I try to fix everything my self just  get frustrated and angery at God I lost it Yesterday and yelled I am mad at you God I need Help now Were are you this is not right I screamed again I NEED HELP NOW RIGHT NOW WERE ARE YOU HELP ME NOW   I tell you Today I  have learned a valuable lesson God Can I Can't  I feel so horrible about my behavior to my father who is great to me having a hard time lifting my head I am so disappointed in my self I just want to smack the mess out of me my actions TOTALY broke my heart and sad I want to talk to God but I am ashamed and angery with my self for my attitude I brought on my self because I try to fix things that Only God can fix I Learned a very valuable lesson LET GO LET GOD BECAUSE WE CAN NOT WINN THE FORCES OF EVIL ONLY GOD CAN HAVE A GOOD NIGHT LET ME KNOW HOW IT GOES OK I AM HERE IF YOU NEED A SISTER IN CHRIST TO WRITE BACK IN FORTH  WITH YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST
Permalink Reply by Theresa Chunko on March 31, 2012 at 10:23pm
Hi my Sister in Christ oh how weary you must be but know God does not want us unevenly yoked because two masters are served and one master will be loved and the other Mastor hated God Loves you more then you could even imagine some times we have to let go and let God we do not fight against flesh and blood but the evil one  God wants you to stay strong and let nothing hinder your walk with him sometimes in our life we have to pick who we are going to serve Drugs Adultey all except spirits in them from the other person kinda look at it is a portal for the Enemie to come in you can only forgive and let go and let God but let nothing or no one lead you away from God it can happen fast  you can choose to continue you to allow your self to be in the devils playground or SEPERATE your self and do some Fasting and praying one to build up your spirit strengths and next let God be able with no interruptions from you even though you mean well remember the spirits of addiction anger Adultey are only removed from By God these are bondeds that God Has to brake I would my Opioin remove your self from the situation go where you can fast and pray so you can build up spiritually and Let God lead you if you here nothing Be still and wait on God you have a strong demonic spirit living in your house  that were invited by the acts of Drugs Suicide Attemps and Adultey these are strong demonic forces that only God can silver heal restore or remove the people or person who refuse Christ in there heart  God bless you remember you battles will and are because of your prayer life keep praying God has all Authority and power so no weapon formed against you will prosper forgive any resentments si hate or any bad feels toward any one before you pray because if you don't the enemy will have a opening to start screwing with you  read your word pray and God will remove all that holds on to the evil and refuses Christ Pray and Let God not you But God fight this Battle we cannot fight it Only God can because our sinful nature wlill interfear the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak we can not fight our own battles trust me you will get frustrated angery maybe resentful the the hurt amd trying to fix it your self and fail will leave you angery with God because you try to do only what God Can do trust me I try to fix everything my self just  get frustrated and angery at God I lost it Yesterday and yelled I am mad at you God I need Help now Were are you this is not right I screamed again I NEED HELP NOW RIGHT NOW WERE ARE YOU HELP ME NOW   I tell you Today I  have learned a valuable lesson God Can I Can't  I feel so horrible about my behavior to my father who is great to me having a hard time lifting my head I am so disappointed in my self I just want to smack the mess out of me my actions TOTALY broke my heart and sad I want to talk to God but I am ashamed and angery with my self for my attitude I brought on my self because I try to fix things that Only God can fix I Learned a very valuable lesson LET GO LET GOD BECAUSE WE CAN NOT WINN THE FORCES OF EVIL ONLY GOD CAN HAVE A GOOD NIGHT LET ME KNOW HOW IT GOES OK I AM HERE IF YOU NEED A SISTER IN CHRIST TO WRITE BACK IN FORTH  WITH YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST
Permalink Reply by Viola Roy on April 1, 2012 at 12:31pm

Dear Marisol,

I do not want to take up to much of your time. 

I had a similar situation. 

I only wanted to share with you the only thing that continued helping me... constantly laying it all, my husband, kids, house, job, money... all that goes along with this nightmare at the feet of the cross.  Even though our situations may have been similar, I believe that God may or may not be telling us to do the same thing.  PRAY and BELIEVE and God will tell you what to do.  I believe this without a shadow of a doubt. 

I don't know where you are in the process right now, but will be praying for you.

God will reveal Himself to you in mighty ways if you allow Him in it all!!!

Love, Viola

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