I wanted to briefly share about what's happening in our marriage right now. We've been married for 25 years. We just recently had a breakdown which resulted in a separation. We've been separated for a couple of months. There are no guarantees - just a lot of unknowns right now. There definitely are strongholds/addictions which contributed to the crisis. Anyone out there going through the same thing? Would love to hear from you.
My wife and I were married for 25 years and right before our 26th anniversary, she informed me she had filed for a divorce – so yes I can feel your pain! There was no marital infidelity nor really any reason for the divorce except my wife suffers from Bipolar Disorder 1 and was in a big pit of depression. She was laying in bed 16 to 20 hrs. a day. I tried to get her to get up and at least get out and walk but she didn't want to hear anything I suggested - All she could say is "She wasn't happy with the marriage." If I didn't have my faith to hold on to, I really don't know that I could have made it. God designed marriage and He knows what it takes to make it work - we have to study the scriptures and read good books wriiten by "true" Christians to learn His ways. Even then He doesn't promise it will last forever - He does allow each of us "free will" - you can't make someone love you. The biggest problem is so often we don't realize the other person is having problems until it is too late. Regardless, you must pray He will make His will your will - it's the only way anything will happen.
We’ve been separated for 10 months and she’s pushing for the divorce as hard as she can. I really believe her mom is the one who's really pushing for the divorce. I spoke with my in-laws yesterday and my mother in law is almost possessed about the whole thing. She seems to have made it like a vendetta for some strange reason. But right after talking with them, I saw my wife at the store and she was doing fine. She had filed once before in Jan. ‘2006 but dropped the divorce in August against her mother’s urging! I think she's been told we will do this again, but it had better go thru this time! Maybe I’m wrong, but she is a very demanding and authoritative woman and I know how she controls my wife; and always has. I've written the whole story out 3 or 4 times and each time I think of something I had left out before. Each time after I write it out, it seems to give me some relief and it has really helped me process all that has happened.
I can promise you this much, time heals all wounds! It doesn't make the scars go away and that's good because they help us to remember all the times God has been faithful; and given time your wounds will heal too. But in the meantime, just trust in God and His love for you - He loved you so much, He sent His only Son, Jesus to die on the cross to provide a way back to Him. I really believe God has allowed this divorce to proceed in order to touch my wife's life in a special way. She has always known Jesus with her head, but not with her heart. I know it sounds stupid, but even though I don’t want to give up my marriage, I would rather have a sister in Heaven, than a wife in hell. If I have to lose her to accomplish this, so be it - but it's not easy. But I do know he will be with me all the way through. He doesn't call us to be perfect, just faithful! I’d rather trust Jesus, who I know loves me, (He proved it on the cross!) than just wander around lost....
Take care and God bless!
From experience, I can tell you that "strongholds/addictions" CAN be defeated with prayer and counseling. Some couples come through a separation stronger, but only if both are willing to work together to solve the problems. counseling is very important, because a good counselor will bring issues out in the open. I will be praying for both of you. Many people here have given you great honest advice. I agree with them that God has a plan for all of us for good. We just have to trust Him. This is not always easy. Some days you will feel like your heart was ripped from your chest, and other days you will go through most of the stages of grief (especially anger!) in a short time. You will get through this, no matter what happens. God is holding on to you & won't let you go!
My husband and I will celebrate 25 years in August, to which I am very pleased with. I too am co-dependent and suffer from depression. I am working on both with God's help. I can honestly say that it seems that marraige gets harder as you go. I think that you get into such a routine that you forget about the romance. I will pray for you, and please keep praying that God will help you and your husband to change to what He wants you to be, before it is too late. Marriage is an area where satan really seems to hit us. He knows that God is for it, so he is against it.
Keep your chin up. I will be praying for all of you in this discussion. Please pray for me.
Kathy Leach said:
I too, have been married for 25 years now and we're experiencing a lot of the same things that you are! We are, however, not separated, but getting very close to this! Our problem here is the fact that I suffer from Codependency and are Bipolar I. This doesn't help our situation out at all. In addition to this, we a struggling with the fact that our teen-age daughter, who is 16, had completely blown up at us this past Tuesday and staying with a close friend and her family, and is refusing to come home! All I do is pray everyday for strength and guidance! I will pray for you as well as this is a terrible time for the both of us. Having the problem of addictions/strongholds doesn't make any matters better! You honestly feel that you're grasping at the air and can't hold on to anything! I hope that my message gives you the knowledge that you're not alone and that there's someone out there who is struggling right a long with you. Hope to hear from you and may God keep you strong during all of this.
I share your story and pain. My husband has smoked pot since he was 12 over the years and I come from a family of acholics. My older bother commited sucide because of his liver being gone. My God anwers prayers beyond any explaination. My husband did time and I had to carry the load of a business and home and a 50 hour a week job. I always watch other wives and husband live their life in Christ and honestly I thought "what the hell". Only he knew what he was doing but, darn it I was mad. In time he says and now my husband leads the worship band and God has our life. I had separated twice from him. Guess what? God never separated from either of us.