Beth....you aren't the only one in this situation....my husband and I have struggled....you NEED someone else to step in and be a third party, a counselor you can trust...or a group of people you can trust.  Have you heard of Celebrate Recovery?  Many churches across our nation have these groups, started out of Rick Warren's church, Saddleback.  It sounds like your husband has deep anger issues....one thing you both must realize..you cannot do anything about the past..but you can do something about this day.  I would hope that we can talk and look forward to hearing from you.  My prayer for you is that God would give you peace in this storm of your life and bring clarity as to what needs to be done for headling for you, for him, for your whole family.  Each of us are created by our maker and His design is for us to live fruitful lives, knowing His love for us...then we can begin to love each other.  I also pray for you and your children who have been hurt by your husband to truly forgive him, he will have to learn to forgive himself and ask God for forgiveness and be the man God intended him to be.  Please let me know if you've found a Celebrate Recovery group.  Go online and look one up.  Blessings will come your way. Sandy