By far do I think I am perfect. Nor do I think I can work on anything about me in my own power and chance things. Only through the grace and mercy and love of God in my life working through the Holy Spirit can anything about me change. I have a need for more of God.
At the end of April, my husband and I were planning to go to a ministry out in Kentucky, PURE LIFE. We have visited there many times and they are hosting a conference we want to go to. I always get a little excited about the thought of going away for a few days, but then it hits me.......Justin will be going with us. Now, I knew from the beginning he would be going. We don't have ANYONE who can watch him for us. But I don't think of what all that means until I sit down and "think" about the trip.
Justin is precious and there is much to going on a trip with him. First of course is making sure we have all of this things ~ feeding pump, bags, Keto food, diapers, wipes, meds, syringes, emergency feeding tube, pillows, nebulizer, AFO"s, back brace, wheelchair....~~ you get the picture. And then there is the fact that he DOESN'T like to sit in his chair all day! We are going to a conference~~that means long days of him having to sit in his wheelchair. Then there is s the dinner the last day there. After 3 long days, he is suppose to go to the dinner which starts at 7pm with us and once again sit in his chair! Not only will the dinner be long, but Justin gets fussy about 8:00 every night when he's ready for bed until one of us holds him. He likes to get held before bed. And, I forgot, the dinner is crowed! Plus, we will be staying in a hotel so there is another issue with him sleeping where he is not use to.
Last time we went, I missed much of the conference due to having to sit in the lobby and either hold Justin or let him lay down for a nap. And the dinner, we just skipped it all together, although one year we did take him...that's why we skipped the last year we went. Once I began to come back down to earth and think about our trip, a part of me, a big part, didn't want to go anymore. It would be too much for both me and Justin.
Being parents of a special child, we have to make sacrifices often for the best benefit of our son. My life is not about me anymore, but about our son. God has used Justin in many ways to teach us about His character. I needed a way to think less often about myself, and God gave me the perfect answer by giving us Justin. Sometimes this doesn't make me so happy......sometimes I get frustrated that my husband and I can't get away together. Our oldest is now 18 and at times I find myself thinking of what "normal" families lives are like when their children grown up. But, God always shows me of my selfishness and I must repent. I know the path of service is the road to freedom!
So, if we still go to the conference the end of April, I will be happy to have Justin along. I will be happy to sit in the lobby! ~~ Maybe someone there needs to see Justin and God can minister to them through our special little boy! God works in ways I don't understand....but I know He does love us and He gives us what we need! Sacrifice is better than an offering. "consider others better than yourselves" (Phil.2:3)