Hey guys, I don't want to get into too much detail of my past but just enough so that you guys know what I'm struggling with. To start of all my life I have dealt with addiction. At first when I was a little kid my dad was addicted to drugs and wasn't there for me or my family. My main childhood memories that I can remember of my dad are the times when he would get violent with my mom. He ended up getting help with his problems but it was too late fro my parents marriage . He still struggles with his addiction today but its not as bad. My mom then got involved with my ex-stepdad who wasn't , lets say, that much different from my dad. He and my mom drank a lot and looking back I know they did drugs as well. Through all this though my mom was my rock. She was my best friend and I look up to her so much to this day. Even though she was messed up she hid it from us well and tried to be the best person she could be for me and my brother. When I was about 11-13 is when it got really bad in terms of my mom. My dad had a custody battle for my brother and my mom lost. This is when the drinking got out of hand and my stepdad left us to go to work in a different state. I just remember staying in the mountains where we lived at the time and hand feeding my mom because she was to drunk to eat. Lots of times when I was scared to death driving in the car with her. One time she fell down the stairs and had a bunch of bruises. I couldn't keep her from falling. All that to wake up the next day and her not even know what she put me through the day before. She would be back to her normal self. It wasn't long after that I forced her to get help with her addiction to alcohol. For awhile it seemed like she was doing good. She got back into her church and was volunteering. Was going back to school to get her degree in nursing. Was leaving my stepdad. I finally started to see her smile come back. After a year of being sober she relapsed soon after getting back with my ex-stepdad. I ended up being so mad at my mom I moved out .I didn't talk to her for a whole month, something I really regret. Soon after I finally started talking to her again , I came home from school to find my dad in tears. My mom had passed away at 42 because of drug and alcohol abuse. I just remember going numb. This was last December. I barley even cried at the funeral. I'm a strong person because of my past. My daddy says I don't let things get in the way of me living my life. But sometimes I cry for no reason. I honestly think its my heart trying to deal with her death because I refuse too. I'm honestly so angry. At god mostly. I thought I had been through enough and he was going to at least let me keep my mom.  I know I sound really selfish. I know he took her because he needed her up there with him but I cant help but think t say I need her too. To this day I have still yet to deal with this. I've always been a strong Christian but im really getting lost. I know that God has put me though everything to make me a better person which I am grateful for but its getting harder to hold on.The last straw for me happened tonight, when I found out my brother does drugs now too. I just cant help but think its not fair for me to go through this with every single one of my family members, my dad, stepdad, mom, now brother . I cant loose my brother too. Apart from my dad he's all I got left. Please give me some advice on how to deal with this and let the anger go... Sorry for the typos and it being so long but I felt it was necessary . God bless.

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To Haley, and anyone else suffering from similar situations,

I believe only One Person can answer all your questions, and can help you heal through a process of learning and growing in the Lord. Only He can understand everything you've felt and experienced personally. Only He has the power to heal wounds,and bring restoration to your life. I can promise you one thing.. God loves you more than Himself..He'd die a thousand deaths for you..and He wants you to be healed inside His great love for you. You can trust Him. He's Faithful and longsuffering. He's patient and kind. He'll listen to your questions, and comfort you when you cry. He wants to be your everything..to be your soul's Supply. Trust Him. Cry out to Him. He'll answer you and draw swiftly to your side. He adores you like no other..and He wants to pour out all His mercy, all His tenderness, and all His compassion on you.

Trust Him, and He'll make a way for you to heal..Hell bring the right people into your life..ones who care, who validate your grief; ones who can help direct you on the right path to a future full of new life in Christ.

Be blessed, and KNOW that you are loved! 

And remember, we are His! And He is ours!

~Jeanette xoxo

††† Psalm 55:22~ Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; 

He will never permit the righteous to be moved.

††† Psalm 46:1~ God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

††† Psalm 91~ Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow

of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in Whom I trust."

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