Be strong Jen. It's ok to be honest about your feelings of loneliness, sadness fear and doubts. Just don't let those feelings turn ugly into self pity and feelings of failure. Please hang your present and your future on The Lord. It's been 4 years for me since my wife left. I can say for sure that God works all things for good to those who love Him. It doesn't mean everyday makes sense but on those days my faith has to take over and believe it to be true whether I see it or not. I have had the most productive and tearful bible reading and prayer time during those days of desperation. God has caused me to rely on Him for everything: my money, bills, my time, my car repairs, my kids' needs, being a good parent etc. and I think that's a pretty good place to be. Be strong Jen.