My husband and I were only married for three years. FIve months before our wedding anniversary, he told me that he no longer wanted to be married to me. He moved back home with his parents, stopped paying his bills, left me with a new house mortgage, a new car payment, and over $3,000 total in monthly bills. I finally broke down and called him, because in my mind I thought maybe he was hurting and needs me to reach out to him. Instead I was told that he never loved me, I forced him to marry him, that he wasn't ready for marriage because he didn't know what it was all about. That he was ready to move on and I should as well.
I can't begin to explain my hurt, confusion, embarrassment, shame, anger, and bitterness towards this man. One side of me prays that he will see the error of his ways, the other side wants him to get hit by a bus. At least I know the truth, right? So many people have said this is God's way of getting me out of a bad situation. But, the word says that God hates divorce. Would He use something he hates to get me out of a bad situation? Maybe, I don't know. I just feel like I have been living an absolute lie. Every time my soon-to-be ex-husband said "He loved me" or that he felt closer to me since we got married or that he understood what real love was now that he was with me...IT WAS ALL A LIE! A Dang-on good lie because I believed him. Everything I did, I did with him on my mind. I couldn't even go shopping for myself without thinking about what he would like.
I won't lie and say I was the perfect wife. I wasn't. I did plenty of things I had no cause, but I was trying to find my way. Sometimes, I think it was my fault. Like I am a failure. But, as many folks have told me, it takes two to fight. You can't win if you're in the ring alone. So what now? It's been two months and I still feel the pain as if it was yesterday that he left. I keep asking God to remove it and He hasn't. I've prayed, I've screamed, I've cursed, I've hated....and now I just want peace. How do I get that?