I have been divorced for about 12 yrs from my first marriage (neither one of us where Chrisitans) and i said i would never do it again, but then that changed and i thought i would give it another try God's way. i wasn't a Christian during my first marriage but my second one i was. Both husbands committed adultry and i wanted to stay in the marriage but they didn't. Oh, and my first marriage my husband would beat me and committed adultry.... After my second marriage i tried again and it didn't work but no abuse just cheating and i went back to him 3 times to want to be together to make the marriage work....but that didn't work either.

My whole reason for posting this is that i am so sick and tired of men blaming me for a crime i did not committ..(this is how I feel and what it feels like when a guy says, "oh i can't date you because your divorced and the bible says if i marry you then i'm committing adultry"....well then is it safe to say that evey one who has married has committed adultry? The bible says if a man or woman is divorced and they try to remarry they have committed adultry. (let me not mention that when we lust in our hearts after the opposite sex we have committed adultry)...but no man wants to mention that when i tell him i'm not having sex before marriage...i guess in my case according to the bible i will never remarry again.

Scriptures: Matt.5:31-32, Matt.19:3-12 & 19:10-12,Mark 10:5-9, Luke 16:18

(Matt 5 & 19: talk about Moses letting man give his wife a written certificate of divorce because of their harden hearts and anyone who divorces his wife EXCEPT FOR MARITAL UNFAITFULNESS (ADULTRY) causes her to become an adulteress and anyone who marries he commits adultry) It also talks about if this is the case then maybe it would be better not to marry....

(Mark 10 & Luke 1: Moses talks about pretty much the same but there is no mention of UNFAITFULNESS in these verses. It just says that anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman committs adultry and if a woman divorces her husband and marries another she commits adultry.)

So is it me or are there conflicting statements here? One says you can marry if there was adultry committed which was by my ex-husbands and the other ones says you can't because if you do then you and him committ adultry and if that is correct then how do you exspect God to bless your marriage to the person you just married?

I know God words are true but i am so tired of going back and forth over this every time i meet a guy and this issue comes up. I was dating a guy (he's never been married and i was divorced) and we went through marriage counseling, and set a date...keep in mind he did not propose nor did we pick out rings but we talked about getting married....well, needless to say i'm still single and he's married to someone else. I'm hanging out with a guy now and it's the same thing but the only difference is he's a widow and his wife died about 16-19 months ago and her death anniversary is coming up this september....well guess what same thing! He's not sure because I'm divorced!!!!!

I really need someone to help me with this because I'm about to give up on the whole thing. I'm tired of guys holding that crime over my head....and I feel like I'm never going to remarry again because of what the bible says but i also think it might be some what conflicting there. If someone can shed some light on this I would REALLY appreciate it.

Sorry to be so long winded but i'm struggling with this.

Views: 20

Replies to This Discussion

I think the Bible is pretty clear about being released from your marital obligations once there has been infidelity. I'm not saying that is an automatic response...because of course, you should try to work through it, but you also can't be responsible for your husband's actions. He makes his own choices and although you want them to be for the best for your marriage, sometimes they are not. My ex-husband did not cheat on me (he says), but he left my daughter and I to pursue a life of constant partying, drugs, and alcohol. I tried to wait for him to stop (he still hasn't and its been 12 years), but he has married two other women since then and had multiple children. Am I still bound to this marriage? I know divorce is a sin and I have paid dearly in the consequence department, but how can you make someone stay who doesn't want to stay and where does forgiveness come in? I know God has forgiven me for my part in the demise of our relationship. My problem has definitely been forgiving myself and trying to move on. I haven't yet, though I have longed to. I know a lot of Christian guys out there have problems with divorced women (some of my own siblings being some of them), but I think you have to look at every situation individually. Yes, you are not supposed to get a divorce, but does it happen? That's also a yes. Can God forgive you? YES! Although, if I were certain that my husband cheated, then I would have no problem moving on to another relationship, no matter what men say about me. I would not allow them to punish me for something an ex did. If they can't get past that, then they are not the one God has planned for me. If you never find someone (I'm not sure I will either), then just stick with God. He is a much better friend and companion than any human and He never leaves or chooses unfaithfulness. If God wants me with someone, then I figure He will tell me. Till then, I'm just gonna keep serving Him like I'm supposed to. If He doesn't choose that for me, then it will be alright.

Here is a verse I have found helpful:

The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you." Psalm 32:8



Trace C. said:

I think the Bible is pretty clear about being released from your marital obligations once there has been infidelity. I'm not saying that is an automatic response...because of course, you should try to work through it, but you also can't be responsible for your husband's actions. He makes his own choices and although you want them to be for the best for your marriage, sometimes they are not. My ex-husband did not cheat on me (he says), but he left my daughter and I to pursue a life of constant partying, drugs, and alcohol. I tried to wait for him to stop (he still hasn't and its been 12 years), but he has married two other women since then and had multiple children. Am I still bound to this marriage? I know divorce is a sin and I have paid dearly in the consequence department, but how can you make someone stay who doesn't want to stay and where does forgiveness come in? I know God has forgiven me for my part in the demise of our relationship. My problem has definitely been forgiving myself and trying to move on. I haven't yet, though I have longed to. I know a lot of Christian guys out there have problems with divorced women (some of my own siblings being some of them), but I think you have to look at every situation individually. Yes, you are not supposed to get a divorce, but does it happen? That's also a yes. Can God forgive you? YES! Although, if I were certain that my husband cheated, then I would have no problem moving on to another relationship, no matter what men say about me. I would not allow them to punish me for something an ex did. If they can't get past that, then they are not the one God has planned for me. If you never find someone (I'm not sure I will either), then just stick with God. He is a much better friend and companion than any human and He never leaves or chooses unfaithfulness. If God wants me with someone, then I figure He will tell me. Till then, I'm just gonna keep serving Him like I'm supposed to. If He doesn't choose that for me, then it will be alright.

Here is a verse I have found helpful:

The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you." Psalm 32:8

My 2 cents might not be worth much because I'm not single but I was listing to Dr. Myles Munroe reguarding divorce and he had some thing intresting to say.  His option was that a marriage in the kingdom may end once there is infidelity without reguards to what a lawyer or judge has granted.  If the marriage was one blessed by God than once a partner has had sexual relations with someone else then the other partner is free to marry again with out sin.  Sounds kinda technial but I believe that if one truley tries to save the marriage and waits till there is no hope and the other has found someone else then they would not be committing a sin by finding a new love.  Sorry for the miss spells but no spell check :)     
Thank you so much for replying to my blog. You asked are you still bound to your marriage...God said only one reason for divorce and that is audltrey. I know some people and have heard that some people get a divorce because they said "they just grew apart and stopped loving each other" and there was no infidelity in the marriage. Well that leads me to say that i think they are still bound in marriage by Gods law. You also asked where does forgiveness comes in....in comes in when your able to pray for that person becuase then it releases you from the bondage of bitterness that you and I have had for them....and i said "have had"...past tense! It took me a long time to pray for my ex but when I did I realized that the forgiveness was for me to be free and not a slave to unforgiveness. I also had to realized that forgivness doesn't excussed them from the sin that they did but it realsed me and I so needed that because i had a bad hatered for men in my heart for what i had went through. And your right i can't make someone stay with me who doesn't want to be with me but it was so frustrating to hear of other marriages turning around and mine didn't....I struggled with that also. Some times it's hard when guys condem me for the divorce but I think your right on that note, that if they can't get passed it then it's there fault. Because i some times have to remind myslef that some people need to take the PLANK out of their eyes before they can take the SPECK ou of mine!! We all have labels: divorced, cheater, lier, luster, theaft (not paying tighs) etc..but God also said, "you without sin cast the first stone", when the women was found in adultry. I have to ask myself and the guys who label me a divorce woman. Which adultry is worst: a divorced person who divorces for other reasons then adultrey (what the bible says) or a person who lust after another person in their heart...NEITHER! Their both wrong and are sinful. So thank you again your response helped me alot.

Trace C. said:

I think the Bible is pretty clear about being released from your marital obligations once there has been infidelity. I'm not saying that is an automatic response...because of course, you should try to work through it, but you also can't be responsible for your husband's actions. He makes his own choices and although you want them to be for the best for your marriage, sometimes they are not. My ex-husband did not cheat on me (he says), but he left my daughter and I to pursue a life of constant partying, drugs, and alcohol. I tried to wait for him to stop (he still hasn't and its been 12 years), but he has married two other women since then and had multiple children. Am I still bound to this marriage? I know divorce is a sin and I have paid dearly in the consequence department, but how can you make someone stay who doesn't want to stay and where does forgiveness come in? I know God has forgiven me for my part in the demise of our relationship. My problem has definitely been forgiving myself and trying to move on. I haven't yet, though I have longed to. I know a lot of Christian guys out there have problems with divorced women (some of my own siblings being some of them), but I think you have to look at every situation individually. Yes, you are not supposed to get a divorce, but does it happen? That's also a yes. Can God forgive you? YES! Although, if I were certain that my husband cheated, then I would have no problem moving on to another relationship, no matter what men say about me. I would not allow them to punish me for something an ex did. If they can't get past that, then they are not the one God has planned for me. If you never find someone (I'm not sure I will either), then just stick with God. He is a much better friend and companion than any human and He never leaves or chooses unfaithfulness. If God wants me with someone, then I figure He will tell me. Till then, I'm just gonna keep serving Him like I'm supposed to. If He doesn't choose that for me, then it will be alright.

Here is a verse I have found helpful:

The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you." Psalm 32:8

Thank you David, I would hav loved to have heard that. I think that would have helped me even more. And if you have any more cents... :+) please add them. I will take all of the encouragement I can get. Once I think I'm ok a guy comes along and condems me for being divorced. Don't get me wrong i'm not a weak person or has low self-esteem, I just don't like being condem for a crime that i tried to prevent from happening and wanted and tried to stay in the marriage, but like Traci said, you can't make someone stay with you that doesn't want to be there. If that pastor has any sermon notes on line please let me know where they are so i can print them out. I love to study sermon notes and othe books when I get through with one i have just read. Once again thank you for your ecouraging words.

David Brawn said:
My 2 cents might not be worth much because I'm not single but I was listing to Dr. Myles Munroe reguarding divorce and he had some thing intresting to say.  His option was that a marriage in the kingdom may end once there is infidelity without reguards to what a lawyer or judge has granted.  If the marriage was one blessed by God than once a partner has had sexual relations with someone else then the other partner is free to marry again with out sin.  Sounds kinda technial but I believe that if one truley tries to save the marriage and waits till there is no hope and the other has found someone else then they would not be committing a sin by finding a new love.  Sorry for the miss spells but no spell check :)     
Seems you're finding guys that hold themselfs above you.  Might want to remind them we aren't living by the laws anymore, just by faith :)  Any ways I have been attending a divorce care course at my church and a Dr. Myles Munroe was a speaker on the video training so I found some of his sermons on youtube.  He has some intresting takes on relationships, dating and marrigaes.  I'm the type to take a little of what I hear from alot of people smarter than I and try to make my mind up what make sence.  If you truley repent for your mistakes of your past and try to follow God's path going forward than no person can judge you if they are true christians.  So keep your nose up and act snutty towards those who think they have something on you.  Have a blessed weekend

Gail Gardner said:
Thank you David, I would hav loved to have heard that. I think that would have helped me even more. And if you have any more cents... :+) please add them. I will take all of the encouragement I can get. Once I think I'm ok a guy comes along and condems me for being divorced. Don't get me wrong i'm not a weak person or has low self-esteem, I just don't like being condem for a crime that i tried to prevent from happening and wanted and tried to stay in the marriage, but like Traci said, you can't make someone stay with you that doesn't want to be there. If that pastor has any sermon notes on line please let me know where they are so i can print them out. I love to study sermon notes and othe books when I get through with one i have just read. Once again thank you for your ecouraging words.

David Brawn said:
My 2 cents might not be worth much because I'm not single but I was listing to Dr. Myles Munroe reguarding divorce and he had some thing intresting to say.  His option was that a marriage in the kingdom may end once there is infidelity without reguards to what a lawyer or judge has granted.  If the marriage was one blessed by God than once a partner has had sexual relations with someone else then the other partner is free to marry again with out sin.  Sounds kinda technial but I believe that if one truley tries to save the marriage and waits till there is no hope and the other has found someone else then they would not be committing a sin by finding a new love.  Sorry for the miss spells but no spell check :)     
Thanks again David for the encouraging words. I will go onto youtube and try to find some of Dr. Munroe's sermons becaue i would really like to hear them. If they are holding themselves above then i would think they would know that God's word says not to think of yourself more highly then you ought to....but maybe they haven't read that part yet :+) but I will have no problem in showing it to them..lol....lol...thank you and i will keep my head and nose up because I'm reminded that I am a Kings Kid and a child of the most high...and a Virteous Woman for God first!!! Have a blessed week.

David Brawn said:
Seems you're finding guys that hold themselfs above you.  Might want to remind them we aren't living by the laws anymore, just by faith :)  Any ways I have been attending a divorce care course at my church and a Dr. Myles Munroe was a speaker on the video training so I found some of his sermons on youtube.  He has some intresting takes on relationships, dating and marrigaes.  I'm the type to take a little of what I hear from alot of people smarter than I and try to make my mind up what make sence.  If you truley repent for your mistakes of your past and try to follow God's path going forward than no person can judge you if they are true christians.  So keep your nose up and act snutty towards those who think they have something on you.  Have a blessed weekend

Gail Gardner said:
Thank you David, I would hav loved to have heard that. I think that would have helped me even more. And if you have any more cents... :+) please add them. I will take all of the encouragement I can get. Once I think I'm ok a guy comes along and condems me for being divorced. Don't get me wrong i'm not a weak person or has low self-esteem, I just don't like being condem for a crime that i tried to prevent from happening and wanted and tried to stay in the marriage, but like Traci said, you can't make someone stay with you that doesn't want to be there. If that pastor has any sermon notes on line please let me know where they are so i can print them out. I love to study sermon notes and othe books when I get through with one i have just read. Once again thank you for your ecouraging words.

David Brawn said:
My 2 cents might not be worth much because I'm not single but I was listing to Dr. Myles Munroe reguarding divorce and he had some thing intresting to say.  His option was that a marriage in the kingdom may end once there is infidelity without reguards to what a lawyer or judge has granted.  If the marriage was one blessed by God than once a partner has had sexual relations with someone else then the other partner is free to marry again with out sin.  Sounds kinda technial but I believe that if one truley tries to save the marriage and waits till there is no hope and the other has found someone else then they would not be committing a sin by finding a new love.  Sorry for the miss spells but no spell check :)     
Dear Gail:
First and foremost, we are all human and as such we are sinners and we all fail! That’s all there is to it – God didn’t plan for us to fail, but we did. And He knew we would – that why scripture tells us that the plan of salvation thru Jesus the Christ, was planned before the foundation of this world. We need to try and avoid sin whenever we can but we don’t have to succumb to the lies of Satan that once we have sinned, it’s all over! If we know Jesus as our Lord and Savior, He has already paid the price of that sin on the cross and it’s gone forever. That doesn’t give us license to sin, but forgiveness when we do.
You stated that even after your husband committed adultery, you tried to reconcile your marriage. I want to commend you on your actions – God did give permission for divorce in the case of adultery but He did not command it! Many a marriage has been put back together, usually by a God fearing woman who understands “Jesus’ true love” over “selfish love.” But since divorce did happen to you for this reason, you are released from your marriage vows. You did not choose to be divorced; it was forced upon you by your ex-husband. You should not have any reason to feel ashamed nor spoiled in anyway.
And I know that you are not guilty of the divorce, but for someone else who is, Jesus died on the cross to wash away our sins. I John 1:9 tells us “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” If we confess our sins they are gone and if Jesus doesn’t hold our sins against us, who can – no one can! And no one who is a true Christian should be able to hold any type of complaint against you. Unfortunately, there will always be those who judge unfairly and we just need to pray for them and point them towards the cross. Maybe this will help give you relief. Take care and God Bless!

Thank you Raymond for your encouragement....as I was reading this i said "he sounds like a pastor".

I always wonder about that...why God put other marriages back together and not mine. Sometimes I wanted to give up but my dad and Gods word encouraged me to stay in it even when I didn't want to and even when I decided to stay in and work it out. Yes and even with your statement below about being a strong Chrisitan woman,sometimes I wounder if I was a stronger Chrisitan woman would He have had my marriage to stay together...I downed myself in that area also. But my ex-husband has married and moved on and me...well I'm still single because men look at me and say "your divorce and if I marry you then you/I will be committing adultery"...wow...if I had a dollar for every time I've heard that I wouldn't be rich but financial secure (smile).

I know I shouldn't feel spoilded or ashamed about my divorce but there are some men out there that can make me feel that way....sometimes I do go on and I can handle it and move on but it's the ones that I really like and think that maybe that the friendship will move to the next level and then those words comes up..."your divorced!" and I will take 10 steps forward and they will knock me back 20 and then I have to go through the feeling condemed stage again! That's why i hardly ever date and when I do meet a guy it's usually years later that I will start to hang out with one and go on dates with him.

Yes your reply to my discussion does help me a lot because sometimes I just need an outside person to give me some type of encouragement and help me understand Gods word when I'm confused or struggling with something. Just by the replies that I'm getting these have helped me a lot becasue there from different people from different walks and stages of life...single & married people giving me encouragement.

You have a bless day and take care also.

Raymond Rambo said:

Dear Gail:
First and foremost, we are all human and as such we are sinners and we all fail! That’s all there is to it – God didn’t plan for us to fail, but we did. And He knew we would – that why scripture tells us that the plan of salvation thru Jesus the Christ, was planned before the foundation of this world. We need to try and avoid sin whenever we can but we don’t have to succumb to the lies of Satan that once we have sinned, it’s all over! If we know Jesus as our Lord and Savior, He has already paid the price of that sin on the cross and it’s gone forever. That doesn’t give us license to sin, but forgiveness when we do.
You stated that even after your husband committed adultery, you tried to reconcile your marriage. I want to commend you on your actions – God did give permission for divorce in the case of adultery but He did not command it! Many a marriage has been put back together, usually by a God fearing woman who understands “Jesus’ true love” over “selfish love.” But since divorce did happen to you for this reason, you are released from your marriage vows. You did not choose to be divorced; it was forced upon you by your ex-husband. You should not have any reason to feel ashamed nor spoiled in anyway.
And I know that you are not guilty of the divorce, but for someone else who is, Jesus died on the cross to wash away our sins. I John 1:9 tells us “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” If we confess our sins they are gone and if Jesus doesn’t hold our sins against us, who can – no one can! And no one who is a true Christian should be able to hold any type of complaint against you. Unfortunately, there will always be those who judge unfairly and we just need to pray for them and point them towards the cross. Maybe this will help give you relief. Take care and God Bless!

RSS

© 2014   Created by Keep The Faith.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service