I struggle with the same thing. I have been divorced for a year and a half and his words still sting, the things I believed because he was the "head of the house" because he said he was a Christian. I hate myself sometimes because of the things he did to me. I can completely relate with "The person who was to love me crushed me" I cried out to God many times with the same words. Hang in there. God will make beauty from these ashes.