Okay, I just had an Ahhhh Haaaa moment!!! :)
My Birthday Present to me is TRUTH! 
I have waited 12 years to write a story of my trials and successes, not for pity (those who know me, know that's not my way...my way is to always try and to inspire others, to reach out to others, to help others hang on. Yes, I've been accused of being a Pollyanna, but at age 48, do you really think I care what anyone but God thinks of me?

I have been frozen, absolutely frozen in getting the words down on paper for a book. The reason? I wrote my reason to a dear friend of 5 years now who wants my story and could do something very good with it so it could reach out to others and help people that are struggling or have struggled and have been beating themselves up mentally over it for way too long. It could lead others to the Lord or back to Him if they think for some reason they are not deserving because of some mistakes along their life path. I have not been able to write it for my friend because of two reasons (one; well, it was just too ugly to write the details, but that is remedied now; I tell the story and someone else writes it for me. The real reason and problem I realized and it was foolish and I wrote this last night in my letter to my friend was," I have waited this long in giving you this story because, "I WANTED A HAPPY ENDING". God must be laughing at me, because no sooner did I hit the send key, did I realize that there IS NO HAPPY ENDING. Not here on earth any way. We find happiness and sadness throughout our entire life. we have all smiled and all cried.

I have a career now, I'm in remission from stage 4 cancer, I am starting a new non profit organization to raise money for airline tickets to help cancer patients get to the hospital of their choice for treatment. I can lose it all, that's a fact. It's up to me to perceive it as a loss or as a new path to something else God has planned for me. What do we base our Happy ending on anyway. When life ends here on earth "It's not over! Our life here is a series of lessons, good times, hard times, change, faith, barely hanging on, feeling all alone, feeling lot's of support, feeling odd man out, feeling like a champion, feeling like a complete fool, wishing we could turn back time and other times feeling like we have not one single regret! We change, we are human and there is no happy ending until we are with our heavenly Father. 

Right now we are like water, constantly changing. from snow, rain, ice, water, stream, river, ocean, and a calm pond. We experience pain, joy grief, death, birth, so much change and we know this life is not forever. No matter how much we distract ourselves, in our heartest of hearts, we know this life here on earth is not our HAPPY ENDING and will not last forever, it could end tomorrow. so love with all you have today.

So, to expect myself to wait for the right time to come along to tell my story; a story that might inspire others to hold on and don't lose faith or help them realize their own strength through my challenges and experiences, is like waiting for all the lights to turn green before I turn that key in my ignition to make a trip to the other side of the nation. It's silly and it will never ever happen. Just turn the key, make the trip and as my friend wrote to me last year (Write the damn book!) We need to share our experiences with each other, help one another, we are all in this life together for however long it is ♥